My weekend: March 23-25

My weekend was really uneventful but i still had a lot of fun if that makes sense. On friday i was still recovering from losing my Grandmother so i was just tryna keep real busy so i wouldnt be left alone in my thoughts. I spent a night on thurs/fri at Tyler's which was real good to catch up. I went to class and stuff and just hung out like normal. I had thee best convo when i went to Sherea's house with her about my walk and i was glad i ended up there because i was supposed to go to the Alpha's dime party. On sat i just spent time in my room nothing special and went to Sherea's house again. I had fun cuz alot of people were there and i'm finding it better and more fun hangin out with my christian friends fellowshiping than hanging out gettin drunk sometimes. Sunday was sooo good for me cuz church was ahhhhmazing, i went to work and got the greatest breakthrough about dealing with my grandmother's death. I hung out with my friends and thru different convo's just realized how important it is to guard my heart. so yeaa even though i didnt do nothing suuuuper spectacular, i felt that God really reached out to me and revealed some things to help me grow in my walk. :D

R.I.P Grandmother :-(((

My Grandmother who just passed. I was going thru alot but i just loved the the verse in Philippians " Why do you grieve, Where is your hope?" Jesus defeated death..

Sooooo i have been watching this video like crazy. i think this is hilarious and these dudes are finna blow up. So i wanna show the world i was down from the beginning lol.

My Secret..

My secret is my fear of being alone forever. Lol i know alot of people are scared of that but mine is like a legit fear. I dont wanna say or feel like im co-dependent but i wonder that alot. I know that god does call some people to singleness and if i am called to be that i dont wanna be depressed forever lol. So i always try to work on being content but it is soo friggin hard. I NEVER believe people when they say they are content in their lives. but yeaa is something that i work on constantly cuz i do believe its something you can achieve but only if you are older for some reason.Thats like the biggest aspect of my prayer life is that i desire god more than i do a man. but yea my struggles<<<. I always wonder if there is something wrong with me because im 20 and i never been in love. I've had relationships but none had any REAL feelings if that make sense. Some i liked a little, others i felt numb and just played the part. i think my 9month crush...ughh( >:-( lol) but yeaa any way i think thats the closest i been to love cuz i have a lot a feelings there and i love how something they did can make me feel really happy, or really sad..i just like feeling emotions like im a person and not a robot. my mom says im lucky but i dont feel that way. Even when i see girls get hurt by the guys they love i get jealous cuz atleast their still feeling. but yeaa that's just something i think about a little too much. and probably my biggest secret cuz i never talk about this subject. I casually say i want a boyfriend or want to get married but that's like my biggest desire. i think love can make you weak and i really try to be strong..but sometimes i would like that weakness. hughhh idk i just love, love lol. its sooooo freaking irratating tho cuz its just everywhere i look. love is constantly around me. it seems like i always have guys try to get on with me or whatever but no one has ever made the effort to really pursue or get to know me and make something serious with. its just always casual u kno. thats the cutest thing to see a (georgeous...woah spell check) guy just completely inlove with a girl and willing to do any if everything for, and i dont wanna leave the earth without a guy feeling that way for me. but whatevvvv i  would feel way worse if i was like 40 or 50 saying this so thankfully im young and i cant wait to see how this area of my life grows. but yaaaa sorry for gettin all vulnerable hahahaha

 soo umm yeaa this was the picture i took when i was in deep thought with all this lol

I really like this pic. how do i get it to stay at the top???

My wishlist: Short-term goodies i want.!

 I just need another northface cuz im tired of wearing the one i have i guess, and the pink and black one is suppah cute

When the ipod touch came out i thought i would neverrrr get one, but i got 2 now lol. That's kind of how i felt when the first ipad came out but it doesnt seem that far out of my reach like it once did so yeaa im already knowing and just planning and to get this because i get tired of lugging my laptop around in my book bag cuz it hurts my back

 I wanna go on the Coach outlet online store. All there purses were like $60+ but it's real coach so that is a steal

 I want/need clip in extensions. I recently got hooked onto 14+ inch weaves and i just love how feminine super long hair make me feels. I decide to be really proactive about taking care of my hair so im done with sew ins, glue ins, all that so i think these will fit perfectly. My next paycheck is devoted to this lol

 I smelled it in my glamour magizing and it is ahhhmazing. i love perfume but i never buy expensive ones so i'm excited to invest into some designer perfume cuz i always just wanted to walk past someone and my smell just hits them. that always happens to me with other people but i wonder vice versa..

 I wonder if this works on black hair...but anywhoo the informercials sold me and i realllly want this and it was at wallyworld for 100 bucks which is redic' to me but imma try to find it online for like $60 and then i might consider.

 How everyone is into this TOMS craze, im still stuck in sperrys. i dont have none which is wack cuz they sale them for dirt cheap inside the mall shoe outlet but i always forget. i need them in cheetah print alsooo

 This is the Galaxy samsung phone i want alot. Im waiting till the the price goes down a little more before i cop but idk if i'll ever. I have a slide up phone now and that is the only thing that saves my android from freezing all the time is when i slide it back n forth so idk if i wanna just have an ALL screen phone cuz i already know itll irritate me. I really want an Iphone

these are just a dream in my head lol. i know i would never fork over $400 for some earphones let alone the extra money the jeweled out ones will cost. But the quality is really good on Beats by Dre but at the end of the day its still the same music but yea this is just a luxury item. I dont really plan on getting this like everything else on my list.

March 16-18th, 2012..my weekend: "i aint effin with the africans no more"

 me in the rec waiting on the girls to change. idk why i chose this face..

 told you i looked like a slore at this party.  i look weird also

Me omw to work in my new strappy heels :-)

Sooo even tho this weekend aint over yet (its sat night 4:08am.. i guess sunday morning ) tomorrow is a study day so im pretty sure it'll be uneventful so i'll just fill you in on my weekend. Its like the first hot weekend now that winter is over (80s in march :o)) so i was pretty excited cuz everybody know, soon as a little hot weather come everybody wanna be on something. Well it was a waste lol. I had a spanish test on friday morning so all thursday night i stayed up in the library to cram so i pretty much slept thee entire day away after classes. but anywhoo saturday rolls around. Since i slept all day friday of course i was up through the night so with all my energy i decided to get extra dressed up for work because i bought these black strappy heels at wetseal.com for $15 (STEAL.!) and i had them for a month and never wore em. so i decided today was the day. I had lunch and got in the word (Bible-studied) until work started. My job shifts are only 3hour longs so after that omw home i met up with a friend who said they were going swimming so i just decided to tag along. Swimming was eventful because that's where i decided to make this wonderful blog hehehe. i just really got a chance to relax and reflect on some things ya kno. but when i went to lay out in the sun with the people i came with i met this girl and she was just telling me how she's a bully and love telling people there ugly and a whole bunch of BS. I absolutely hate people like that because i was bullied before but i kept that information to myself, and just tried to observe and psyco-analyze her. (not in a creepy way, just a lil perspectively) but anywhoo i dont like to keep company with people like that cuz its just bad energy so i just shrugged her off. which is SOO rare for me cuz  i love meeting new people and friendships but i can do without that one. but after that i went to eat and have lunch with some girls and made a trip to walmart where we were caught in a storm ( Lonnise-"my eyyeeee, my eyyyeeee" lmaooo- sorry long story) but yeaa. after that we just kinda chilled. i was mad i was still dressed in my swimsuit w/ a black cover up on that made me look extra skanky and just happen to run into alll my brothers-in-christ smhh AWWWKWARD. But after that we decided we were going to check out this lil' kickback and once again all i can find to wear was something that made me look like a slore but whatevvv. the party was wack so we decided to check out this other party thrown by the dun. dun. dun. (lol) africans. I had managed to really fight my struggle and convictions with drinking, to hang out sober that night which was sooo friggin hard. i had to remind my self that HE is worth it. meaning Jesus is worth me dying to myself and things i want to do that offend him. i felt like a alckie cuz i wanted to drink so bad smhhh but anyway i didnt but still ended up past out sleep on some steps cuz i was going on 30+ hrs of no sleep. i was awaken when one of my friends caught her bf in some room with another chick (smhh niggas). but she confronted the girl and her bf had to restrain her suppa rough. i had tears in my eyes cuz it look like it hurt and she was crying but that just brings me to my point WHYYY DO FEMALES GET MAD AT THE OTHER FEMALE WHEN THEY CATCH THEY DUDE UP?? when she was cryin n stuff i assumed it was cuz he put his hands on her but it was cuz she was mad at the chick still. wtffff???? i guess i just think differently cuz if i catch my dude slippin im on his case not the other chick (unless she get disrespectful cuz then it turns to some totally diff). the dude makes the committment not the side chick so why get all mad why the dude just standing there in looking. but like i said not everyone thinks like me.. but yeaa the reason why this is entitled "i aint effin with the africans no more".. is because im not. its always something smh. and they think its coo to yell and put they hands on women apparantly... and they smell . just not my scene smh. but there goes my weekend. like i said tomorrow should remain uneventful. hopefully i just work and study all night with no interruptions and past this test. imma stop crammin...

What's going on in the world today: the president is Obama. Gas is $4 a gallon. Whitney Houston just died. yeaa thats all i can think of lol

What's going on in MY world: my favee artist is Drake. My grandmother is sick with cancer :((. I just got hooked on make-up (them brittney gray youtube videos have me sooooo into hair and beauty). My closest friends are my sister's, Tanae, Chaneice, my roomie Lonnise. (everyone else is droppin like flies smh). My favorite stores are Wet seal, Charlotte Rousse, Forever 21, and Amazon (website, IK)

 I took this the other day, just a couple recent pics

I was in the library bored studying..

About Me

Hello my name is Amber.
so ummm I started this blog because i feel my life is soo interesting that i deserve my own tv show, only no one will give me one so this will do lol. But seriously I just feel that i'm at a interesting point in my  life that i feel ANYTHING can happen at any time and i just want to remember and take account all the things that are happening right now. I was sitting by the pool earlier today and i just had the most crazy feeling that something was about to change. i just really want to remember this time in my life. i never take pictures or keep or journal but i feel that this is a way i can do both.

So a little about me :)
I was born in Chicago and currently reside in northwest Indiana. I live with my mom and sister but am currently away at college finishing up my sophomore year. My life basically is the ideal college life. I am struggling to keep my grades acceptable, work a part time job, and try to fit a social life in there someway. I recently turned my life over to god by putting my faith in jesus, so there is a constant war going on within me with me wanting to live a fun full life vs. me wanting to live a life pleasing to the lord. hmmmm Lets see i am 20 years old and i just really like to have fun. i love going out with friends whether thats to a party or a restuarant. I. Just. Hate. Being. Bored.! I am currently single (sort of hehe). But i love that life. Ummm about my family, Im really family oriented and they mean the most to me!!. I havent quite figured out what i wanna do with my life, i feel like i can end up anywhere (hence why i want to have this blog, so i can look back in the future :) but i really am leaning into becoming a physician's assistant just cuz they make bank $$$ lol. and flexible hours and i love helping people yadayadayada stuff like that. but yeaaaa that's all i can think of :/